Oh, Canada

The most incredible aspect of the First Crusade was that it actually succeeded. It's true that along the way the pious and legendary leaders often strayed off the path to slaughter and conquer who ever they thought they could, and that they fought the whole way to Jerusalem about who was going to get the odds and ends of the various battles they instigated, but while history freely acknowledges the free-wheeling and mostly debauched behavior of the leaders, it also remembers that when offered the title of King of Jerusalem, Raymond of Toulouse refused to be kinged where Jesus had died and that Godfrey of Boullion said pretty much the same thing. Raymond had other ideas and ran off to sack his own city and Godfrey claimed regency, only. Then he slaughtered every inhabitant of the city.

Just remember that when the election comes. Politicians are remembered only by their victories and the atrocities they commit along the way are forgotten, if they win. Richard the Lionheart is remembered for his piety, his capture and subsequent return to rid England of the notorious John, his brother. Richard hated England, however, and pretty much picked the bones clean to raise the money for the third crusade. He is quoted as saying something like, "I'd have sold London if I thought it would raise enough money."

Granted politics has become a much less nasty procedure over the years, but the best politicians remain men at heart. Canadian politics, in particular, shows little of the teeth when it comes to manipulating voters and I'm pretty sure none of us have ever been asked to vote with a sword in our backs, instead we are coerced by money, the current currency representing life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I can't claim any moral high ground here because I'll take the money, knowing full well that other promises aren't likely to be kept. Hell, if someone offered me free cable and a lifetime supply of coffee I'd likely vote them Holy Roman Emperor. The point is, let's not mistake anyone's intentions. Here, the differences in policy between our political parties are akin to different piles of the same shit. Ultimately the prize is the chance to pillage the public coffers before the subsequent inquiries and the grand standing by some future representative of the opposition party.

Meanwhile, back in Jerusalem, Godfrey died a year after he became the ruler and his little brother Baldwin was crowned the first King, Baldwin 1, having little reservations about usurping Jesus' title, despite his earlier work as a cleric and the intentions of a life devoted to the church. Still, despite his political prowess and military strength, it wasn't infidels who he had to worry about but his comrades who took every form of potshot at him simply because they wanted his throne. Truly he feared not his enemies but his allies.

While it's true that our next Prime Minister isn't likely to slaughter anybody, at least in the corporeal sense, it is time we recognized that he's not really looking after our best interests, no matter who he claims to be working for. I'm going to vote for the best looking candidate, although that may come down to simply choosing the lesser of two evils.