It Hurts When I Do This

From the diaries of Malcom Pettigrew, published in 1976, a year after he succumbed to the effects of years of alcoholism.

"I was in Lawrence, Kansas attending a symposium convened to debate the effects of alcohol on the unborn fetus, when I was approached by a young woman who would only give me her first name, that being Regina. I was staying in room 17 of the Eldridge Hotel, where the meetings would be held in the various conference rooms all throughout the week, and had ventured into the bar, the Jayhawker, to have a drink before dinner. Regina sat in the stool next to my own and began to speak to me in a familiar manner, saying she was attending the symposium at the request of her employer, a doctor in Topeka, and that she was to speak at the lecture in the morning of the following day. When I somewhat clumsily excused myself claiming fatigue, she followed me out and in the foyer accosted me and accused me of rudeness and demanded an apology. I was extremely uncomfortable with the public rebuke, and as our conversation was drawing unwanted attention I suggested she was mistaken in my intent and I offered to buy her a drink, hoping she would take this offer as an apology, to which she acquiesced. Again, in a dark corner of the Jayhawker Bar, she resumed her harangue, albeit at a somewhat modified volume, and I suspected that she was already drunk and I began to mollify her by means, both comforting and friendly, which resulted in her leaving off her criticisms of me and we talked long into the evening about her studies and her interests in the subjects of depravity and addictions. She proved to be quite knowledgeable in both areas and when I offered to host an extension of our discussion, as the lounge was closing for the evening, she agreed, if only to convince me that her somewhat liberal attitudes towards these topics could corrupt my 'towering condescension', as she called it. I accepted the challenge and, as it turned out she was correct; her methods of persuasion being far beyond my ability to refute.
As I prepared my toilet the following morning, somewhat confusedly, I discovered that I had misplaced my carrying cases and assumed that I had left them in the lounge, the only locale I had visited the previous evening, after checking into the hotel. After a short conversation with the daytime manager of the lounge I was informed that my luggage had not been discovered by the cleaning staff and it was suggested that I check with the concierge. I did so and began to suspect fowl play when he informed me that not only had my belongings not been discovered, but that he had no record of anyone named Regina lodging at the hotel and that he could not ascertain her commitment to speak at the day's lecture.
This left me in the most undignified position of having to admit that I was not only without a scrap of clothing to wear but that my identification and personal banking information was also amongst my luggage. When I explained the nature of my situation, that it was impossible for me to contact my family, in particular my wife or household staff, because of the certain indelicacies, I was awarded with a visit from the Chief of Security who informed me that the law enforcement officers, who had been called on my behalf would bring me some pieces of clothing with which I could cover my shame.
He neglected to convey to me, however, that the Police would not take a statement from me concerning what I now considered to be a crime against my person, but that they would also be removing me from my rooms and filing charges against me for fraud and the expenses of my visit. This I discovered after a frightening visit to the local constabulary and after I was told that I would be held in the station for a period of time until I would be presented before a circuit judge to decide my fate.
The next period of my life was a tortuous example of how a decent, upstanding citizen of this great country could be so perversely persecuted especially by those who had committed themselves to my well being both fiscally and matrimonially. The shame I feel at the cruel and merciless treatment of myself at the hands of my family and society in general has quite made me a vessel of belligerence and I find myself at odds with one and all. For shame, I cry, not at those who would take advantage of my good nature, for those souls are already lost to the great evil awaiting, but to those who, witnessing my hour of need did forsake me and punish me for a cruel twist of fate. My solace these days, as in so many others, is in the helpful and hopeful people of this house I now find myself in. For while I find the habits of my housemates unfathomable when it comes to cleanliness of the body, I find their spirits to be beyond rebuke. In particular I would extol the efforts of the gentleman who occupies the room next to mine, Slim, for his efforts at my convalescence and his generosity regarding his eagerness to execute daily outings on my behalf, to the pharmacy, for nothing more than a small monetary reward. He is, truly, one of God's munificent creatures."

Now that's a night to remember. I'm sure there's a lesson here, I'm just not sure I know what it is. How this turned up in a study on Fetal Neurology I don't understand but apparently this guy was a doctor. Yeesh.