Thanks to E.P. Evans

As I entered the apartment it became clear that Evy the Cat had been up to no good. I had failed, it seemed, in providing him with a good role model and I could have blamed myself for his bad behavior but, "No.", I thought, "It's time for him to accept the responsibility for his actions." I wondered what the legal precedents were and upon examination I discovered that there is a long history of animal prosecution in western society.

Fragments from Athenian law books indicate that there was a court set up in the common hearth area of the town to investigate and try inanimate objects and animals if it could be proved that they had, by their behavior, caused the death of a human being. Thus a stone or a log could be convicted and powdered or chipped out of existence if found guilty. Animals were treated with the same regard when it came to their crimes. Their cases were arbitrated, with a representative for both parties and, if found guilty, the animals could receive punishment.

This form of representational law was used, not infrequently, throughout medieval Europe and there are cases recorded wherein a pig, who had caused the death of an infant was executed. From time to time, any number of animals, pests and vermin have been tried and found guilty of malicious acts against people. Bees, horses and snakes have all been indicted for murder, mice for fraud, fox for thievery and in all but the most severe, the punishment was usually excommunication. The most dangerous offenders were publicly hanged, drawn and quartered, sometimes after having been dressed in clothes and forced to wear shoes.

Apparently, if you look hard enough, you can find a precedent for prosecuting just about anything. Can't find the remote? Sue it and if it can't pay, take out its batteries. Did that pebble cause you to roll over on your ankle? Call the police and cite your precedent and then sit back and watch them try to put on the handcuffs.

Hey, don't laugh too hard. This isn't about how stupid medieval peoples were. In 1906 a dog was tried in Delemont, Switzerland and in Canada turtle doves have been indicted. Neither is too far away nor too long ago that charges are out of the question. Just because you can't read, speak, walk on two legs or draw blueprints doesn't mean you aren't guilty. Take the case of the burrowing ants in Brazil. When the Franciscan monks took the case to court and the defense council was unable to persuade the judge, they were told to move to the next field or face excommunication. Unfortunately the records don't show whether the ants capitulated or if they applied for an appeal. We may never know.

Sadly, my case against Evy the Cat was tossed out when the judge discovered he'd been living here rent free for more than eight months. He has squatters rights that supersede my complaint and I'm not allowed to kick him out. When we got home we had a long talk and have patched things up, for now. I did take away his 'mouse on a string' toy for a day, though. I think he's learned his lesson.