The Dark Lord and the Little Woman

Hermes entered the hall to see Hades sitting with Persephone at his side. She was radiant, clothed in mystery and darkness, with wraiths circling her and the living ghosts serving her. She smiled at Hermes and he lowered his head in acknowledgment while Hades, who was never very stable, noticed this communication and stood to move in front of his young bride.
"All right, Hermes, what do you want?", said the Lord of the Underworld.
"Gimme a second, you old windbag. Persephone, are you all right?"
"Hermes." The dread queen poked her head out from behind her husband. "Be nice or I'll kick your ass. You know I can."
"You can kick my ass whenever you want, sweet thing, but what I want to know is did he hurt you?", Hermes said with a nod to Hades.
"Of course not. He's been very nice to me. Even when he was being very naughty to me.", she smiled at him and Hermes felt his knees weaken.
"Can we get on with this, Hermes.", said Hades, "What does my little brother want?"
"What does he want? He's losing his patience, man. Demeter is making his life miserable and he's about ten minutes from losing it altogether. If that happens then he's going to come down here and tear you a new one. Brother or not, she's his wife, and you'll lose. Decide now, oh Master of Regret or you'll be only God on Olympus to need his own ministrations."
"Shit. Really? Is he pissed?", said Hades, looking a little worried now.
"Pissed? He's beyond pissed my friend. You know what Demeter's like. He'd rather take on the Titans all over again, by himself, than go home to that woman."
"Hades." Persephone wriggled out form under his arm and looked up into his cloudless eyes, "You're not afraid of my dad, are you?"
"Afraid? Of Zeus? No, not really." Hermes smirked and Hades shot him a look that might have sent him to the bottom of Phlegathon had he not been under the protection of Zeus.
"I don't want to go, Hades, I want to stay here with you.", she whined into his ear.
"If your father comes down here, there's not going to be any here, anymore.", said Hermes, "I'm sorry Persephone but you're in a heap of shit right now."
"But I don't want to go.", she cried, "You can't make me." Persephone whirled around and ran for the door, trailed by her demon spawn and a gaggle of ghosts. " I hate you. I hate you all."
"Oh for Christ's sake. Persephone, come back here. Shit." Hades stood with his head down and then turned to Hermes but before he could say anything Hermes put up a hand.
"Look, man. That was for her. Zeus told me to make a big deal of the pain and punishment part but he just wants you to listen to reason. He can't hold back Demeter for much longer. If she finds you with Persephone then you really might be in some serious trouble. It might be politic to consider giving her back."
Hades looked up at Hermes sadly and said, "She's really driving me nuts, man. She's as spoiled as they come. 'I want this' and 'Get me that.' I can't take much more of this. If I didn't think they'd flay me alive for it I would have booted her out of here months ago. And the stories she tells. She's a bigger bullshitter than you are, Hermes."
"Thanks. I appreciate that. Look, she is a bit of a handful, but you love her, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so. I just don't know if I can live with her."
"Well, we'll just have to figure something out.", and he sat down on the Dread Lord's throne and looked up at the ceiling of the cavern. "You really do have a morbid sense of style, Hades. You should try painting this place, y'know. Spruce it up a bit."
"Can we try a little more thinking and a little less criticism. What am I going to do. I can't take on Zeus with his hordes of star struck followers. This was her idea as much as mine. Why do I have to take all the blame.", Hades kicked at a rock near his foot and planted it into the wall beside Hermes' head.
"Hey, for fuck's sake, Hades, watch it.", said Hermes, sitting forward, "Alright, I've got something. Have you got any pomegranate around here?", he asked.
"You can have anything you want. Why?", said the God of the Dead, absently.
"Think, you moron. If you feed her some she'll be bound to you. It fits perfectly. You do what Zeus wants but you throw in a little of that devil Hades spice and the girl has to come back every six months, or so. Everyone knows what pomegranate seeds do but it might solve the issue. Zeus doesn't have to obliterate you, Demeter gets her daughter back and you only have to put up with the wife for six months out of the year. She'll do it, too. For some reason she's really taken with you.", Hermes smiled and spread his hands.
Hades thought about that for a moment. "It's the demons, actually. They love her and they'll do anything for her. I think she's way more evil than me. They like evil, the little bastards."
"So? What do you think? Are we good?", asked Hermes.
Hades leaned back and smiled wickedly at Hermes and said, "We're better than good, we're golden."