Drunk Virgins

Today its all about the bathtub. This morning I started a batch of hooch and have already very nearly poisoned myself. I probably should have cleaned the tub but I was in a hurry and have to find some empty bottles to pour it into before the company comes.

The history of the bathtub and hooch are inextricably linked. I guess it just took too much time to keep refilling the garbage can. As far as I have been able to tell, the Hoochen Indians (actually Hutsnuwu), who gave their name to the vile drink, didn't even use bathtubs or drink much, preferring the river as a means to clean up after a wild night. It was the American soldiers sent to Alaska in 1867 who, forbidden real booze and looking for someone to blame when they got caught, looked around and pointed the finger the locals. The Hutsnuwu wisely said nothing and walked away, something I learned to do last year in Mexico when confronted with a bunch of drunk Americans, and they have been saddled with a legacy they don't truly deserve.

I can't really poke fun at anyone, however, as Canadians have their own peculiarities when it comes to bathtubs. I can't actually find out where all this started, and maybe some of you can help me, but I was very young when I saw my first Bathtub Mary. Part shrine and part lawn ornament I have since lived in the dark about its exact purpose. Scare away children? Exalt the Goddess? Teach virgins to bathe? Granted I do believe you will see more of them in Quebec than anywhere in Canada, the Quebecois being more pious than the rest of us, but there are a couple I can suggest right here in town. Let's put these curiosities on the map. There maybe some curative properties in Bathtub Mary Hooch.

I've got the yeast, the flour, the molasses and ???? There seems to be something missing from the recipe. Maybe its the soap scum that gives it that peculiar finish but I'll be as clean inside as out, I guess. Just another couple of hours and the party starts. My house at eight, kids. Bring your own cup.